I have never been one who was good at handling conflicts. So, my approach has always been to avoid them. However, conflicts are unavoidable in all relationships. They can stem from miscommunication, misunderstanding or simply an individual having a bad day.
My friends and I often found it difficult to find time to meet up during the semester. After weeks of planning, we managed to find a time when all of us could meet up for dinner. At the restaurant, we were greeted by some unexpected company. One of my friends had arranged to meet her other group of friends at the same time and place. The atmosphere turned awkward as I had my friend sitting in the middle of two groups and trying to join both conversations. We tried to strike a conversation with her other friends but we eventually gave up as they displayed no interest in breaking the ice. Throughout dinner, I felt uncomfortable and displeased with her arrangement but I contained my feelings. After we finished our food, both groups discussed about separate plans after dinner. We thought that my friend was going to join them, so we foot our bill and left politely. Later on, my friend sent me a message me to confront me about our hostility. I felt wronged and disappointed in her at the same time. We did make an effort to improve the situation but her friends appeared uninterested.
We were all secretly unhappy with my friend’s arrangement but to avoid an emotional confrontation, I chose to remain silent. This incident did not affect our friendship but I always felt that I could have handle the situation better. Dear classmates, what will you suggest me to do to handle the situation better?
Hey Pei Zi,
ReplyDeleteI understand your tendency to avoid conflict and keep your feelings bottled up because I tend to do the same most of the time. However, if we try to overcome that habit of ours, this situation might have had a happy ending.
I would have found a time during dinner to pull my friend aside and asked her to share her rationale behind bringing her group of friends to the restaurant (in a non-confrontational manner of course). Understanding her rationale could have helped ease the tension at the table a bit.
Also, if I were to recieve that message from my friend, I would explain to her the efforts that I made and proceed to find out what her expectations were from me. Even though, it was her responsibility to communicate such expectations from the start, perhaps understanding them would have reduced the disappointment and angst I felt for her at the end of the day.
Opening up channels of communication (both ways) would have improved this situation a lot and it might have been the essential first step to resolving the conflict. =]
Hey Pei Zi,
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, you're not alone! I too prefer to keep my feelings bottled up as it's the easy way out; it's human nature to avoid conflict I guess. However, I appreciate your reflection as it shows you're willing to improve and that's something I can learn from (:
I would suggest to first of all voice your unhappiness to your friend. Next, explain that you and your friends had done all you could in engaging her friends. It's important that she accept your point of view too instead of assuming that you and your friends would accept her way of doing things. Finally, I think you should highlight how important this outing was to you and why.
After all that emotion (whew) I would suggest taking a step back and listening to your friend's side of the story. Discussing and displaying issues on the table will shed more clarity on what all parties involved were feeling and thinking.
Hopefully you and your friend can reach a more amicable conclusion should this sort of situation arise again (:
Hi Pei Zi,
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you feel in this situation as I have been in a similar one myself. I find that it is hard to maintain friendship if I question my friend’s motivation. As Zabir has mentioned talking to your friend sometime during dinner and may be asking what would interest her other friends would be a good idea.
I find your friend’s accusation about your attitude being hostile unfair. We learnt that good communication require both party to be involve in the conversation. I find that your approach in the gathering understandable. Maintaining a smile, which I often do, and seem friendly can actually help reduce the discomfort of the situation.
Regards,
Peh Joo
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteThank you for our valuable feedback and suggestions. Like what Zabir has mentioned, I believe that the situation would have been a lot better if I had clarified with my friend about the situation. Also, like what Amanda has mentioned, I should have told her how much I valued that outing rather than assuming that she would know. I believe that These would have prevented the hostile confrontation.
Regards,
Pei Zi